- Introduction: “This is how I heard about derby.”
- Scared: “What did I get myself into?”
- Sore: “Oh god. Everything hurts.”
- Loved: “These girls are amazing!”
- Excitement: “I learned this and this and this and that!”
- Overwhelmed: “I don’t think I can do this.”
- Overjoyed: “I passed my minimum skills!”
I’m not saying it’s a bad thing. It’s very reliable because I can see where I am compared to other fresh meat bloggers. Currently I’m in the Overwhelmed stage. I am generally optimistic about life, but I’ve had quite a bit of stress that isn’t doing me much good. On Saturday, I missed practice for the very first time. I’m feeling unsure of myself in my personal, professional, and derby lives. I’m stressing and worrying and kind of feeling like I can’t do it. Derby girls are supposed to be strong, confident, and tough. I am none of those things right now. I just want to feel great and accomplished after a practice rather than bummed that I can’t do ALL THE THINGS.
So how about a good old worrying/whining list like I did a few months ago?
- I will always be too timid to really hit anyone
- I will never be able to do a left-footed t-stop
- I’ll never be able to do a right-footed glide or hip twist
- I will keep saying sorry and apologizing for every little thing
- I won’t be able to pass my minimum skills
- I’ll never make a friend on the team
- I won’t ever feel like “part of the team”
This list is considerably shorter because I know where my problems are. I could also help to fix them by working on the skills on non-practice days, which I haven’t been doing at all. I meant to keep up with working out and skating whenever possible but I just haven’t done it. I know where my lack of motivation is coming from and I just wish it would go away.
Also, just for funsies, here’s my first worrying list from August with the reality in bold.
- My gear won’t arrive in time I got it in time
- My gear will be the wrong size Gear fits perfectly
- I will break a bone my very first practice 2.5 months later and all bones are okay!
- No one will like me At least a few people like me
- I won’t like anyone A lot of them are awesome
- I’ll be too shy to talk, and I won’t ever know if I would like anyone or they would like me Still kinda dealing with this; I am horribly shy sometimes
- I’ll die from the exercise Still alive!
- I won’t like roller derby I’m liking it so far
- I will never learn how to stop I can plow stop like a mofo, do a slightly ugly but effective tomahawk, but my t-stops still need work
- My crossovers aren’t actually crossovers and instead are some weird mutant leg thing I made up lol, they were crossovers, I am clearly mental – my crossovers are actually a lot more powerful now though
- I won’t be able to stand still without rolling Iol
- I will never be able to get low enough No comment on this one since it probably should still be a concern
- The team only has room for a few skaters and I won’t make the cut I think my bigger issue should be whether or not I’ll be able to roster for any bouts when the season starts
- I will only be able to do 15 laps in 5 minutes I got 4:54 on Thursday, so this one is definitely not a concern
- Heather and Itzel are lying when they say I’m good at skating I was pretty okay for a beginner but I still have lightyears until I’m actually good.
- I will fall flat on my face while everyone is watching Yup. A lot
- I will never be able to glide on my right foot for more than 5 seconds *cough* Still working on this one
- Work will keep me from being on time for practice so often that the team will tell me not to bother to come to training at all I change in the bathroom and then drive to the rink and am usually about 5 minutes early every practice
- I will be bad at everything Nope, only bad at some things
- Anxiety will get the best of me and I will skip this Saturday’s recruitment event Hahaha, nope
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